Finding Answers

As my journey continues I have began to look for answers as to why this all happened. Today I had a doctors appointment in Bismarck with the doctor that performed my D&C procedure. I have not talked about this yet, not only did I have to go through the labor to delivery my baby girl, a week later on New Years Day I had to have a D&C done. Seth and I decided to take Aiden for a fun overnighter in a hotel in Bismarck so Aiden could have some fun and swim. My body had a different plan! I began to gush blood and Seth had to rush me to the ER in Bismarck where I had to explain my story about what happened multiple times, have multiple instruments shoved up my crotch and come to find out I had to have surgery that night to remove placenta that didn't come out the first time. Talk about another slap in the face! Well today I went in for my 2 week follow up wtih that doctor and we talked to him about IC and what he thought about the options for cerclages. He then perocedes to tell us, Seth was also along, that he was unsure if I actually have IC, another SLAP. I thought I had one answer to so many questions, but apparently not. Because of my history and because I had a normal pregnancy already he thought it was something else that caused me to dialate early. Although, he said as a precaution a cerclage should be put in because we don't want to risk losing another baby in the future, if I do have IC. So then I began to think what did I do to cause this, there must have been something I did to make this happen. I have been racking my brain for something and I have nothing. Now we wait until my next appointment with my doctor here to see what his opinin is and what he thinks caused me to lose my baby. I also have a phone consultation with a doctor that specializes in IC, he is in Chicago but if a permanant cerclage is what I need to do to allow me piece of mind and the confidence to have another baby that is where I will go. At this point I again am not certain what caused Amelia to be born so early, but I will find an answer, I need to find an answer. I know another baby is in my future and I am going to do whatever I possibly can to assure I will not lose that baby, even if that means having an invasive procedure that is not 100% necessary. I would much rather have a procedure and not need it then risk not doing it and losing another baby and wishing I would have just done the procedure. On a better note, I have had 2 pretty good days in a row! I still think about Amelia constantly throughout the day and talk to her, but I feel at peace because I know she is always with me and she is safe and being loved and taken care of. I will keep you posted on my journey to finding answers!