Recovery

I started reading a book the other night and the author who lost an adult son, wrote about the word recovery. She said that the word recovery means to return to normal, like after you have had the flu or a drug problem. She said that the word recovery is ridiculous when referring to a parent's grieving process. We never recover because we never go back to normal, that person we were before our child died is gone forever. I thought this was such an interesting thing because it is so true, I will never be the same person, I am forever changed. Instead she says we integrate the death into our lives, we learn to live with the death and not forget and not dwell on it. She compared it to a butterfly, the whole catepillar, caccoon, butterfly process. This journey I am one has transformed me into a different person from the one I was 2 months ago and I am trying to integrate Amelia's death into my life and the life of everyone else. I don't want anyone to forget her, but I don't want to dwell on her death either. I need to live my life and try and be as happy as I can be, because I do have a good life! I just thought I would share that because I found it interesting, a different perspective on this crazy journey I am on. I now have to obsessions angels and butterflies. Everytime I see anything with an angel I feel the need to buy it, and I am really wanting a ring I found online that has a butterfly on it. I just need to get Seth on board, its only $292, I think it will go on the don't really need it now list! I kinda feel like everytime I look at it I will be reminded of the journey I am on, the progress I have made and that if it wasn't for Amelia's and her coming into our lives I wouldn't have this newfound appreciation for all the good in my life and never take things for granted, like getting pregnant, staying pregnant, having a healthy baby. I will appreciate everything so much more because of her, I wish I could have figured that out without having to lose her, but I think that is the message I am taking away from all of this. In Amelia's short life she has forever changed mine.