Happy 1st Birthday

The day has finally arrived, a day that I have been thinking about for months Dec. 24th, 2012, also known as Christmas Eve. A day for families to gather together and spend time with eachother and eat food and open presents and just have a great time. For me this day will never just be about food and presents, it is first and foremost Amelia's birthday. I woke up about a half hour ago and wasn't sure how I felt, was I sad, was I happy, or was I just ok. I'm still not sure how I'm feeling, of course I'm sad, but I'm sad everyday because I miss Amelia everyday not just today. I'm sad because we will celebrate her birthday without her here to help us blow out the candles on her cupcakes and she won't get to enjoy the balloons and flowers we bought for her, but I know she is getting to share her birthday with Jesus in heaven and I don't think I can top that kind of party here on earth. I just pray that she knows how badly I wish she was here with us and how much we love her and miss her. We plan to be a church today during her actual birth time, 4 pm, which I hope I find comforting and don't cry whole time. I am also looking forward to seeing the poinsetta that we purchased in her memory that will help decorate the front of the church. I think I'm still a little in shock that it has been a year already, it feels like an eternity since I have held Amelia in my arms and yet it doesn't seem like a year should have passed so quickly. I miss Amelia more and more everyday and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and wish she was here. Would she be walking by now, how many teeth would she have, would she love my sugar cookies as much as Aiden does, I have so many questions that while on this earth I will never know. I'm not sure if I can possibly miss her anymore then I do right now, but I am sure I can. As much as I want Amelia here with us I am comforted knowing that all that she knows is love and goodness, and I will never have to explain the scary things in life to her because she will never have to experience scary things. Maybe that sounds selfish of me, maybe not but it is how I feel. I worry constantly about Aiden and I don't worry about Amelia anymore because I know she is in a safe place, surrounded by people that love her. Don't get me wrong if things could be different I would choose for her to be here, but unfortunately that is not possible. I feel blessed that I have a special angel that watches over us, and is always with us no matter where we go. I feel blessed that I was able to spend the time with her that I did, because it was better then no time with her. So today while your with your family having a wonderful time, take the time to think about all the angels that are spending Christmas and their birthdays in heaven and the families that have to figure out how to go on without them.