Life with an angel baby: Mother's Day

Aiden and Mommy

Yesterday was a different Mother's Day for me. I really wasn't sure how I was going to feel about it, would I be fine, sad, happy, depressed, I just didn't know. We had gone out for dinner on Saturday night after church and it was nice, we went to the Olive Garden, I love their breadsticks and salad! So on Sunday Seth and Aiden let me sleep in and when I got up Aiden had set up a scavenger hunt around the house. He had drew me a bunch of different pictures so I had to walk around and find them all, it was super sweet and he was so proud! Then Aiden made me some coffee, he loves doing this! We sat and watched so TV and Seth left for work, yes he worked yesterday so it was just me and Aiden! Then I started to get some text messages from friends wishing me a happy mothers day and saying that they were thinking of me and then I started getting sad. Not just because of the text messages, but because I should be sitting here with my 2 babies, not just Aiden. Then I started crying so I went into my bedroom and talked to Amelia something that has become a regular thing for me these days. I was able to get myself together and make a plan for the day, because if I just sat around I would be a mess all day. I decided that Aiden and I would go to Lowe's and pick out some flowers to plant in the front to the house. So I got in the shower, maybe that was a bad idea or something but all that did was make me cry. I just started thinking about how bad of a mom I am. How maybe I didn't even deserve to do anything on Mother's Day because seriously, I am a bad mom. Not only did my body completely reject Amelia, but I couldn't protect her, I couldn't stop what was happening, I was completely helpless. I should have protected her from what was happening, I should have been able to save her, but I couldn't. That sure doesn't sound like a good mom to me. So as all of this is running through my head, I suddenly had this feeling of calm and love and I know it was Amelia. I know that she knows I would have done anything I could have done to save her, I ask her all the time not to blame me so I think this was her way of telling me she doesn't blame me. Whenever I am in a situation that I know is going to be hard or is hard I always ask her to give me the strength to get through it without crying and I think this was her giving me strength. So after that I got myself ready and Aiden and I headed out to buy flowers! He was so funny, he loves picking out flowers so I bought way more then I planned, but I just couldn't say no to him! Once we got home and had some lunch we started planting. It was pretty breezy out so it made for an interesting time, but we got them all done! Seth got home pretty early and we hung out for a awhile and then him and I got supper ready and after supper Aiden and I went to Dairy Queen and got some ice cream! Seth stayed home and did homework, since he procrastinated all week and had to do all his assignments before midnight....men! The rest of my night was spent relaxing on the couch with the dog and feeling sad, but ok. I know Amelia was with me all day, she even sent a butterfly while I was outside that kept leaving and coming back. So my first Mother's Day without Amelia was hard but she was able to get me through it, I know this is the first of many hard holidays to come, but now I know I can get through them I just might need a little help from my angel! Here are some pictures from yesterday!