Questions?

Ok so I am purely writing this to get it off my chest so I don't blow up because honestly I feel so much anger bubbling over and it's making me CRAZY!!! I recently over heard someone asking my son a question that made me instantly cry. I spend quite a bit of time by myself, which I actually really enjoy, I like being home because I feel safe here. I don't have to explain anything to anyone and even though I realize the world keeps going even when you are grieving sometimes I feel like it should stop and when I go out I just want to scream at people and tell them what I am going through so they know. It is not like I where a badge saying "Grieving Mommy" so nobody knows what is going on when I am out. I just want people to know how I am feeling, so maybe they won't take for granted a second with their children. It is especially hard when I see another mom yelling at her child because they are crying or misbehaving. With this being said, before I go out I always go through scenarios in my head and what I will say if someone asks me how many children I have, or asks me how I am doing. This question is not something I have heard or even thought someone would even ask. To some people this question is not a big deal, it's a logical question to ask a 7 year old in a conversation. As many of you know Aiden moved to the basement to his new big boy bedroom, leaving behind a very empty bedroom upstairs. This is the room that Amelia would have been in, so for me it was/is her room even though I never got a chance to decorate it for her, it's still her room. So when I heard this question "So what is going on in your old bedroom?" it felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I instantly started crying and I felt myself getting sucked into a hole. I never thought anyone would ask a question like this, because what kind of answer are they looking for? I mean seriously were they expecting us to turn the bedroom into a home gym or an office or a hot tub room or something stupid like that? It has been 11 weeks and all, I guess I should be over it by now! I know this person didn't mean to upset me or to be insensitive, they probably didn't even know I could hear them, but I did. I also realize that to so many people this bedroom is Aiden's old room, but to me the second I found out I was pregnant it was the future room of the baby. And during the short 1 1/2 weeks that I knew we were expecting a girl and I knew her name would be Amelia, I began planning everything. So everytime I go into that room I can see the paint color on the wall, where the crib, dresser, changing table, and chair would have been. To me it was her room already even though she wasn't here yet. I actually just recently deleted some art pieces out of my shopping bag on one website because I was tired of getting reminders to go buy them, because I don't need them anymore. I also deleted a bunch of sites off of my favorites list on my computer because it was just too hard seeing them all the time. This question has really affected me, I spent 45 minutes talking about it with my counseler I feel like I have taken about 50 steps back. This question is right up there with some of the other questions that I have been asked, such as, "Was the labor hard?", "How are you doing physically?", and to me the worst one to me "Was there something wrong with her?" I mean honestly who asks that? My daughter was perfect in every way possible, there was nothing wrong with her, and even if there was it would not have made a difference she is my baby and I love her no matter what. Most of these questions were asked within the first 2 weeks after Amelia passed away and I know they were asked out of concern and just not knowing what else to say, kinda like someone saying "I know how you feel" UMMM no you don't!! I feel like I was doing really good in my grieving process, I was having more good days then bad, I mean I still cry every night before I go to sleep but during the day I am usually ok. I can talk about each one of these questions and I am ok, I don't cry over them anymore, but asking about her bedroom that is one thing I am still struggling with, it is just a hard one that is going to take a long time before I am at peace with it. I just pray that someday when the time comes to turn the room into a nursery I am able let go of the idea of it being Amelia's room. I really hope I am able to do this, but until then the door will remain closed.