Been Awhile

Wow I can't believe its been over a month since I have posted on here! Time sure is flying, well kinda! I'm 34 weeks 3 days pregnant and I have 34 days to go until baby arrives! I am so excited and so beyond ready to meet him. These last couple weeks have been kinda rough, I've been having some dizzy spells that cause me to become faint and my heart starts racing and my pulse increases. The doctors claim its due to the extra blood pumping through my body, but it is crazy scary. So I have been just taking it easy and trying to relax. We had a super exciting delivery a couple weeks ago, we received our Amelia Bear in the mail. She is perfect and such a special gift for our family. I ordered her from Molly Bears, which is such an amazing organization that I look forward to supporting. Our Amelia Bear weighs 11 oz. just like Amelia, and is pink, wearing a tutu and a crown! She is our little princess! I have to admit when the box came I was super nervous to open it, I knew what was inside and wasn't sure how I was going to react. I didn't know what she would look like or how it would feel to hold my 11 oz. bundle again. Once I finally got up the courage to open it, I was so happy to see that she looked exactly how I envisioned her to look, and then I picked her up. I instantly started crying, it felt so good to hold her. Some people might think it sounds weird that a bear can make me feel better or remind me of Amelia, but it truly does. I held the bear in my arms just like I held Amelia in the hospital and just closed my eyes and pretended for a minute that it was her, my sweet baby girl was in my arms again. After not holding her for 14 months, it felt so good to have her in my arms again. I realize that this is a bear and not my actual baby, but it is the closest thing I will ever have and I will take anything I can get. As excited as I am to hold my rainbow baby, he will never replace the ache I have for Amelia. I will forever miss holding her, but I know that a little piece of her will be inside my little guy and for that I am so thankful. It was also super emotional to show Aiden the bear. He never got to meet or hold Amelia, so seeing him hold that bear was another really emotional moment. I had to fight back the tears while he held her and asked about Amelia, and said how much he wishes she was still here with us. When he says stuff like this it gets me every time. I wish so badly that he didn't have to say things like that, that he wasn't so comfortable with the fact that his baby sister is in heaven. Although it makes me so happy that he still talks about her, and asks questions about her. So know I can't wait to have pictures taken of my 3 babies, after baby is born. It makes me so happy that I will have pictures with the 3 of them, I don't have to worry about leaving out Amelia and having the guilt that goes along with taking pictures without her. So this is what's been happening in the Hoff household. I hope that the next time I post I will be posting pictures of our new little baby boy and fingers crossed he will have a name! Daddy is having a hard time commiting to a name, so hopefully he will commit to one soon!