Made it!

Well Christmas and New Years Eve have come and gone and we survived....yay!! I realize Christmas was 2 weeks ago and New Years a week ago, but I think I'm finally winding down from all of it! There is always so much hype and excitement leading up to Christmas and this year was no different, but instead of excitement it was more anxiety for me. I missed out on Christmas Eve last year with Aiden so I wanted to make this year special for him, but also incorporate Amelia's 1st birthday in heaven into the day, something I never dreamed I would ever have to do. I was up early on Christmas Eve, I had way too much on my mind to sleep in so I got up and started the day. I received so many facebook messages, text messages, and calls that day that I was completely overwhelmed by how many people were thinking of us and more importantly Amelia. I sat on the couch and just cried because I was so afraid that the day was going to just continue on normally for everyone else and nobody would remember that is was Amelia's birthday, and it was only 7am. Throughout the day I kept receiving more text and messages and I can't even put into words how much it meant to me. Christmas Eve is always such a busy day for everyone and the fact that so many took the time to think of us was amazing, I feel so blessed to have so many people in our lives that thought of us. We also received some cards and our friends Anne and Nathan brought over flowers for us, so sweet! So after my first crying fit I felt pretty good, by that time Seth was up and we started our day, officially! I made Amelia cupcakes, cherry chip with pink frosting and sprinkles. We let Aiden and Bronx open one present early, which made both of them very happy! Aiden got a movie and an ornament, and Bronx got new tennis balls and some cookies. We decided to go to church at 3:30, which I was nervous about since Amelia was born at 4pm and I wasn't sure how I was going to feel when that time rolled around, but then I decided that I will feel the same whether I'm at church or at home. When we got to church we saw pastor John and Nathan right away and both of them gave us hugs and told us they were happy we were there. I could feel the tears welling up, but I fought them back, I didn't want to cry. I was just nice to see them on her birthday, since they are the only other people other then the hospital staff that saw or held Amelia. They were both there during our worst moments and for some reason it was comforting to see them. Once church started I felt pretty good until I saw a super cute little baby girl all dressed up in a cute Christmas dress, once again tears welled up and I fought them back. I didn't want to cry. I just remember being so excited to buy a super cute Christmas dress for Amelia when I knew we were having a girl. So then the music started and once again tears welled up and I didn't want to cry, so at this point I asked Amelia to please give the strength to get through church without crying and feeling sad and she answered. I felt ok the rest of church, I felt like she was with me and telling me that it was ok to feel sad, but that she was there and I shouldn't feel sad. We got home from church and made dinner, steaks and shrimp, and then we opened presents. Aiden had all his presents opened in about 5 minutes and Seth surprised me with a new pandora charm bracelet. I didn't think I would be opening anything because he had put a car starter in my car a week before and he told me that was my present, he's so sweet! He said that he couldn't let me not have anything to open on Christmas. Once present opening was done Aiden wanted to go play his new playstation game so him and Seth headed downstairs to play and I tagged along and ended up falling asleep on the couch for a couple hours. Once I woke up the boys were ready to play one of Aiden's new board games he received, but before that I wanted to sing Amelia Happy Birthday and blow out the candles on her 9 cupcakes, one for each minute that she was with us. I lit all the candles and we sang to her and then Aiden blew out the candles, it was perfect and just the way I wanted it to be! We played the game and ate cupcakes and then it was about time to go to bed! I slept good that night, I felt like we did a good job of incorporating Amelia's birthday into Christmas and I know she was there with us. Christmas Day we spent in Bismarck with Seth's parents, and then a couple days after that we went to my parent's house and had Christmas with them. Nothing like having 3 Christmases! New Years Eve was pretty boring, Seth ended up having to drive someone back to Williston from Minot and didn't get home until late, not sure when I was sleeping by 9:30 I know party animal! I wasn't very happy with Seth, I thought he was going to be home earlier and I think I was just really hormonal so the next morning we hugged it out and I cried and all was well again! Gotta love hormones, thank goodness Seth is patient! New Years Day we drove and had lunch with Seth's best friend from high school and his wife and then we drove home, again pretty exciting I know! Once we got home it was time to get Aiden ready to go back to school the next day, the holiday season was officially coming to a close and we survived it! This Christmas was filled with lots of emotions, but I have to say that my favorite emotion was relief that it was over and we made it!