Finding Trust at 7 Months

So I realize the the 7 month mark has come and gone, but we have been busy lately with family things and I just haven't had time to sit down and type. Plus with the Olympics on now all my free time is consumed with watching the USA! It just so happens to be on right now as I type! First of all I have to say that I am in a much better place emotionally right now then what I was at 6 months. I am feelinging like I have a handle on this grieving thing right now! It hasn't been like this for a long time, but just the past 2 weeks or so and there is a reason for this. I have really hesitated to put this out there, but then I figure it is my blog and I can write whatever I need or want to! I would like to start by saying that I believe in heaven and I believe everything that I hear in church and I listen to every sermon that my pastors preach. I believe with my whole heart that Amelia is safe in heaven and is being taken care of. With that being said I have had in the back of my mind for a long time the question of "what if?" Most parents are able to go into their babies room and check to make sure their baby is ok or listen in on the baby monitor or hold them in their arms to know they are loved and being taken care of, I don't have that. I have to trust in what I am told not by what I can see. My trust has wavered these past 7 months, trust in myself, trust in my body, trust in doctors, even my trust in God. I know that God doesn't punish people or just randomly pick something bad to happen to people. I know that he loves me and there is a reason Amelia had to go to heaven so soon. But I was really struggling with trust, so I made a decision and I know it was a controversial decision but I felt I had to do it. I decided to speak with a psychic medium. I talked to a lady whos sister in law had spoken with this woman after her son passed away from cancer, so I began doing some research on her. She lives in Fargo and does over the phone readings, and in person readings. I talked to Seth about it and he was very hesitant about it, and wanted me to talk to our pastors about it first. I called the pastor that was at the hospital with us and asked him his opinion about it. He basically told me that there are good and evil spirits at work and you can never be sure which the medium is connecting to. He assured me that Amelia was with God and my loved ones, but he also realized my trust issues and understood. He said that if I chose to speak with her take her advise for what it is and try not to read into it. With that being said I decided to go through with it and trust that this woman was going to give me something to hang on to. I chose to speak with her over the phone because I wasn't sure the next time I would be in Fargo and I didn't want to drive there just for a 30 minute conversation. We started the conversation with her giving me a reading about me and my life and what she saw for my future. She said she saw piles of dirt under a rug, which means that I am trying to clean up messes. Makes sense my life has been a mess for the last how many months. For my future she said she saw bubbles and joy overflowing. This made me feel happy that I will feel that again someday. Finally she said the word trust kept flashing and she wasn't she why. This is when I really started to feel like I was doing the right thing. She told me that I need to trust myself and trust in the process in whatever I am doing in life. Finally we got to the main reason why I was doing this, Amelia. She said she sensed a small spirit around me and I knew that it was Amelia. I asked her if Amelia was angry at me for not being able to help her stay with us, and she said no that there was no anger that she is happy and peaceful. My final question was who she was with. I knew in my heart that she would be with one of my grandmas or Seth's grandma. She began to describe the personality of the person and I knew right away that it was either my Grandma Lois or Seth's Grandma Lu. They were very similiar. After me asking more question I was finally able to figure out that it was my Grandma Lois that was coming through. She passed away when I was very young only about 4, and I have very few memories of her. Fortunately I know a lot about her from stories my mom and aunts have told me. She also had a baby pass away, her baby was also a girl and she was born sleeping. This is something my grandma struggled with because she never got to hold her or have any closure, she was told to just forget about this baby and pretend it never happened, I can't even imagine. So I know that she knows what I am going through, and the questions and the anxiety of not knowing. So she was there to tell me that Amelia is with her. The lady said that while we were on the phone she got goosebumps when she heard my grandma say "Oh hunny don't worry she is being taken care of" At this point I was crying because it was such a powerful message. In my heart I knew my grandma would be there for Amelia because she knows what its like to lose a child, but to hear her words it is so comforting. This is when we ended our session, and I had to be done asking questions. There were so many things I wanted to ask my grandma, but I know that someday I will be able to ask her myself. When I hung up I felt so different, this reading didn't feel wrong or evil, it felt right and comforting. I have prayed multiple times since this and I have promised to not do another reading I don't want to become dependant upon this. This reading was a one time thing and I am happy with what I got out of it. I thank God for allowing me hear my grandma's words and the relief that it has brought me to know that my precious Amelia is in her arms. There are so many people that probably won't understand my reasoning or question whether what I was told was real or made up. My response is that until you have lost a child you have no idea how desparate you will become to find some answers and some comfort in your agony. This was my comfort and it felt real, there is no way she could have known most of the things that she said to me and she was very sincere so I trusted that she had my best interest at heart. So this is the reason why I am in good place, I feel Amelia with me, as I did before, but now it makes me feel happy instead of sad. I know she is happy and being taken care of and I know that she knows how much I love her and miss her and I also know that she is not angry with me, which was a huge fear of mine for a long time. I am also very optomistic about my future because I know that Amelia is going to help bring me that joy and she will be a part of it. I have finally found my trust!